It’s normal for relationships to have ups and downs when it comes to intimacy and sex. At the beginning, the excitement of a new relationship can have you both spending entire weekends holed up together in the bedroom, emerging only for glasses of water and snacks. However, the stress and bustle of everyday life can wreak havoc on our sex lives: when our days are full with family responsibilities and work obligations, intimacy with our partner is often the first thing that we neglect. But it shouldn’t be! Not only is sex a natural (and free) stress-reliever, regular intimacy will help keep your bond with your partner strong and secure. The benefits of regular sex are numerous, both on an individual level and for the health of your relationship:
Benefits of having a healthy sex life:
- Higher self-esteem
- Boosted libido
- Lower blood pressure
- Better immune system
- Better sleep
- Lower rates of infidelity
When it comes to expert opinion, the use of couple sex toys regularly is vitally important to the overall well-being of the relationship. So, how to spice up a sexless relationship or improve on your existing sex life?
Stuck in a rut?
As the old adage goes: variety is the spice of life! In some relationships, even if sex is still regular, long-term couples can find themselves without the intensity and passion that they enjoyed at the beginning of their relationship. This is normal, because we become accustomed to our partners’ needs and tend to memorize the formula for meeting them. However, this can sometimes lead to a sexual plateau, with sex becoming mechanic and less regular over time. If you want to inject a bit of intensity and fun into your sex life and renew your intimacy with your partner, there are a number of things you can do:
Invest in the top sex toys for couples
The adult toy market is full of toys, and you shouldn’t be afraid to experiment with some of the best sex toys for couples currently on the market. Whether you want to explore a new fantasy or simply enhance your current experience, there are a multitude of toys, accessories, sex games and position-enhancers designed explicitly to upgrade your intimacy. If you’re wondering how to spice up a sexless relationship with a toy, the key is finding the right one!
Related: Ultimate Guide For A Steamy Sex Life
Top sex toys for couples:
Remote control vibrators
One of the top sex toys for couples in need of some naughty fun, a remote controlled vibrator can help you both rediscover some of that passionate, “I need to have you right now” energy from the early days of your relationship. Play with the vibrator discreetly in public and enjoy an exhilarating romp when you get home!
Sex swings and sex slings
Try out some daring positions, engage in some domination or submission play, or simply try something new and exciting with a sexy sling.
Due to its ability to pleasure both partners at the same time, cock rings are one of the top sex toys for couples. It’s also beginner-friendly, and can be used during sex without much extra effort needed.
Benefits of bringing sex toys into the bedroom:
Explore your fantasies
Incorporating a toy during sex is a great way to explore your wildest sexual fantasies in a realistic way. For example, if you have a vagina and you’ve always fantasised about double penetration, why not experiment with a beginner-friendly butt plug or dildo during penetrative sex with your partner? Sex toys can also enhance the fantasies that you already enjoy together: for example, if you love it when your partner takes charge, enhance that experience by incorporating toys such as handcuffs, blindfolds or other BDSM accessories. Alternatively, if your partner loves it when you take control, try out a toy designed for domination: toys such as spreader bars or thigh slings are great couples toys for beginners. BDSM toys also inject a psychological aspect into your intimacy, which can help couples reconnect on a deeper, emotional level (whilst getting physical!)
Try new positions
If you’re stuck in a position rut, many sex toys exist to enhance your current favourite positions and help you to explore new ones. For example, a sex wedge (a wedge-shaped item typically placed under the hips) is one of the top sex toys for couples looking for deeper penetration, whilst a sex sling can hold up a partner’s legs and allow the other to go hands-free during sex. Investing in a couples sex toy is the best way to change things up if you’re stuck in a position rut, as it allows you to both get creative and learn the ropes together! You might even discover positions that you didn’t know were possible! If you can’t currently invest in a toy due to the cost or due to your personal living situation, changing up positions once in a while is still a good idea if you want to bring a bit of variety and spontaneity into the bedroom.
It’s no lie that our libidos decrease over time: everything from age, medication, stress, body changes and pregnancy can impact our sex drive – sometimes even making it more difficult to reach orgasm. Sometimes, a “bad libido” or low sex drive is actually just frustration with being unable to reach that elusive peak! This is where sex toys come in – if you or your partner struggles to orgasm, incorporate some high-power sex toys into the bedroom and watch their (or your) libido skyrocket! For example, if your partner loves clitoral stimulation, invest in a high quality clitoral vibrator to use during sex. If you or your partner is male-bodied, invest in a prostate massager or a vibrating cock ring for enhanced, shared pleasure. When both partners are able to orgasm more easily, a certain pressure is lifted and you can both make the most of your intimate time together. And if you don’t believe us, believe the data! According to a 2016 study, couples who incorporated sex toys into the bedroom reported higher levels of sexual satisfaction than those who didn’t – so what are you waiting for?
How to spice up a sexless relationship: dos and don’t s
- Get creative
- Research the top sex toys for couples and choose one which corresponds to your needs
- Listen to your partner’s needs and desires
- Change things up: positions, the time of day, the room in the house
- Make time for a date night in your schedule and make it a priority
- Share fantasies and experiment with them together
- Communicate – if your partner has a low libido, try to help by finding out why this is, and if you can help
- Consider couples sex toys in the same way you consider lingerie: yes, you can certainly have sex without them, but doesn’t this red lace look great? Sex toys exist to enhance the sexual experience, not replace a partner – so don’t feel insecure if a toy is what happens to renovate your sex life. Use toys to keep your sex life interesting and exciting.
- Pressure a partner into performing a fantasy in which they aren’t comfortable
- Make your partner feel guilty if they have a low libido
- Buy your partner a sex toy to use without first discussing if they’re open to the idea. You don’t have to reveal everything about the toy, but springing something new on a partner in the bedroom can often feel daunting. Discuss the subject beforehand to avoid any confusion.
Focus only on the big O – orgasming is great, but it’s a little bit like a watched phone: the more you insist on overthinking it and trying to make it happen, the more it can seem evasive. Focus on the shared pleasure, and the orgasms should arrive naturally.